my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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