I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I still have a little drunk in my system
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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