I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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