Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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