ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
