Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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