I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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