Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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