the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
