I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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