I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
