Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Randomize
