He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
