Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
