i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
