Umm I'm too high to move.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
