put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
