oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
