I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
