all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
