I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
