He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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