Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
