I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
