It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
