hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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