GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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