yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
