Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
