Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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