my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
