It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
