I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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