shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
