you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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