Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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