I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
