STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
