Yo dont text me then not text me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
