You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Come see our sink grown plant.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
