she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
