She is in my trunk
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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