I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
