You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
