take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
