Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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