you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
