Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
