He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
