I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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