Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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