I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
