i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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