OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
